Never Never Land

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Life is about changes & adjustment but it seems as if life is challenging me. Most days I feel like my life is just a serious unfortunate events but I think there’s more to my reoccurring shitty situations than just reoccurring shitty situations. I think that life is punishing me but life is trying to teach me a lesson. Life is mad at me but life wants me to be a better me. Life needs me to be more appreciative and less afraid. Life wants me to stop wasting time. Life wants me back but life is showing me that I (we) not only want me back. I want life.

I’m so sad again. But I’m always sad. I can forget about it sometimes but not for long. My sadness always creeps back up. I’m so hurt. But I’m always hurting. I feel so used up. & useless. Like everyone’s winning. I cant stop crying. I can’t fight this feeling in my chest. I’m not ready to give up but this is hard.

Its like an obnoxious reminder of how messed up everything is. All the ill feelings I have towards myself rush to the surface instead of subtly haunting me. I’ll change I swear.